(September 2010)

The Battle Within

We can talk about love and alienation, but what does it mean to choose one over the other? Let's say that I want to be more loving today, what should I do? Maybe I should say a kind word to the people I meet today or make optimistic observations rather than pessimistic ones. However, if I say those kind words or put on a smiling face, will that mean I am less alienated?

Alienation is the root cause of countless forms of human suffering at both the individual and collective level. It can lead to depression or even suicide among individuals, and it erodes the relational fabric of families, workplaces, and societies. Alienation is the fundamental spiritual problem of mankind. Hell has been described as a state of perpetual alienation.

If alienation is the root cause of so much suffering then what is the root cause of alienation? Alienation begins with our refusal to surrender to the guidance of our conscience. When we resist our conscience we become alienated from ourselves, others, and God all at the same time. Conversely, when we surrender to our conscience we engage authentic relationship with self, others, and God all at the same time. This raises questions: What is conscience? How do we resist our conscience? Why do we resist our conscience? How do we surrender to our conscience?

What is conscience?

Conscience is not a static mechanism located inside of our heads. In other words, we do not merely browse through the rolodex of our mind and sort out the best response to a situation based upon our education, conditioning, or past experience. Conscience is actually a supernatural capacity; it is our ability to discern higher guidance. This is why the "voice" of conscience has been called the "voice" of God.

Conscience is a dynamic process that involves conflicting forces or motivations, which we happen to embody. Some motivations lead to alienation, and others lead to authentic relationship. Discerning and choosing between these opposing motivations is the essence of spiritual life.

How do we resist our conscience?

We resist our conscience by choosing to do anything other than what it asks us to do. The things that we choose to do instead of following our conscience can appear to be virtuous, responsible, spiritual, charitable, or otherwise good. Not only do we not feel guilty for doing these things, but we think that we are following the best course possible. Yet, because we are not doing what our conscience calls us to do we are living in a state of alienation.

People often assume that they would know right away if they were resisting their conscience, but that is not necessarily true. We typically associate disobeying our conscience with doing something "bad." That is not only a big mistake, but it is also a "brilliant" strategy on our part, for it allows us to overlook those actions that are primarily responsible for our alienated condition. Actions that cause us to immediately feel guilty are rarely the ones that contribute most to our condition of alienation.

Sure, sometimes we do things that are obviously hurtful or even criminal, but the vast majority of the time the acts that alienate us are carried out in plain sight, and we feel absolutely justified in carrying them out. We may even be praised for our actions. We won't feel like we are disobeying our conscience.

Why do we resist our conscience?

We are relational beings, first and foremost. I do not mean to say that we are always loving beings, for if that were true this world would not be plagued with alienation. I mean that we are highly sensitive to our relational circumstances. We know right away if we have been slighted in any way. We are extremely aware of our standing among others.

From the time we are children we want to be seen by others in a certain light. Our desire to occupy a certain position among our family and friends runs deep and secretly dominates our lives, becoming the basis of our relationships. This desire is so natural and automatic that we do not question it; yet, it has little to do with love. Ideally, we would live among elders who would help us to see our error, but our parents and teachers are often caught up in the same trap.

When we can attain our preferred status in society we feel satisfied in many ways, proving that we want relationship more than anything else. The problem, however, is that we want it on our terms. We literally become alienated as a result of our misguided efforts to relate!

How do we surrender to our conscience?

Following your conscience requires that you transcend your attachment to your preferred standing in the world. If you are currently not aware of how you are resisting your conscience, as if often the case, then you must become aware. This can be a bigger challenge than you might imagine.

You will discover that your conscience does not ask you to do things that you cannot do. So, the challenge you face has nothing to do with being asked to do the impossible. You absolutely can do what you are being called to do, and you can begin doing it today. Contrast this with spiritual teachings that encourage you to seek enlightenment or some other idealistic state of purity or self-perfection. You are never going to fulfill those spiritual goals, but at least they do not threaten the one thing you are most attached to. They are safe, and that is why so many people flock to those practices.

You can pray, meditate, acquire psychological insights, or do good works without ever upsetting your position in the world. If you follow your conscience, however, you will definitely jeopardize your position. Hence, it is the least popular spiritual path even though it is the only authentic one.

Keep in mind, the path of alienation does not feel like a path of alienation. It strikes us as being the right path to walk. However, since it is not the right path there will be many warning signs along the way. These signs will pass unnoticed until we are willing to see them.

I know how mundane a discussion about conscience can seem, since we typically see our conscience as a kind of moral cop who slaps our hand when we step out of bounds, but such characterizations of conscience only trivialize a profound matter. Conscience ceases to be a mundane subject when you actually take the risk to follow it.

Imagine a beloved grandmother with a large extended family around her. Everyone in the family is used to her being the way she has always been. However, what if grandma wakes up to the pattern of resistance that she has been acting out for decades and becomes sensitive to the alienation that exists within the family? No longer will she be content with the status quo. She can't help but be moved to respond differently to situations that arise, and she will know immediately that she is treading on thin ice.

Grandma has changed, and in time everyone will know it and not all will like it. Is she willing to put her sterling reputation on the line for the sake of what she now knows to be true? If she is then for the first time in her life she may experience what it is like to be judged by members of her own family. It's not an easy choice to make.